My Reflection in the Sea
When I was in 6th or 7th grade, I went to the grocery store with my mom. While she got groceries, I hung out in the magazine aisle. This particular day I decided to buy two magazines, one on snowboarding and one on surfing. As we were checking out, the young man behind the counter said, “Oh snowboarding and surfing! Do you snowboard or surf?” Inside I wanted so badly to say yes. And inside I wanted so badly for that answer to be true. Before I could choose a path, my mom said, “she wishes!”
I was enamored by the board sports. They seemed so exciting and different. Growing up in the valley, the sports I participated in were volleyball and swimming. Both were in safe, controlled environments. Very different from the raw power held in the mountains and ocean.
Call it manifestation, chance or knowing, but 10 years after that conversation in the grocery store, I was living on an island and going to college. I didn’t start surfing right away. In fact, the only reason I started surfing was because my friend was sick of hearing me talk about an ex-boyfriend who left me for California. She would come over and say, “let’s go surfing!” So, we did. Almost every day for the next year, until the heartbreak was gone.
Fast forward another 20 years and I am still living on that island and surfing consistently. Work, family and friends have begun to take more time but I am trying to find as much time as possible to surf. As my exterior world has changed, my time in the water has changed too. In the water I am more aware of my surroundings, the conditions and myself. Surfing these days seems more like a check in with myself than anything else. With my mind quiet, body engaged and soul calm I am able to get a peek inside. Each time I paddle out the ocean provides me a glimpse into my inner self. An inner self that seems hard to find on land. This open ocean check-in reflects back to me several things.
Reflection #1- Confidence
This one I can feel before I even get in the water. It is revealed in my excitement to paddle out. It is measured in the minutes I sit at home before deciding that I will pack up my board and go. It shows me my dependency on others or willingness to stand on my own.
There are times when I am afraid to go surf alone. That is understandable if I am paddling out to a new spot, but paddling to places I frequent I should not be afraid. If I am questioning whether to go alone, when no friends are available, I am feeling insecure and dependent on other people. The cure for this, of course, is to go.
Just go
Reflection #2 - Courage
The spot I frequent has two different breaks. The left is called Fenceline, because, well, there is a fence directly on shore from the break. I tend to prefer Fenceline and eventually end up there during my session if I don’t start there. The waves at Fenceline roll in and crumble more. They are also less affected by the tides.
The other break is in front of the shack. Waves here are more consistent and depending on the direction of the swell, Fenceline will be nearly flat, while in front of the shack waves are breaking. When the tide is going low, Fenceline is more favorable for the longboards. The waves in front of the shack get fast, pitchy and closeout. I have been caught on the inside here more times than I care to mention. I battle waves and shortboarders in my attempt to head back towards Fenceline.
Regardless of my position, my courage is shown in how far I paddle out. I tend to stay on the inside because I don’t like to dodge people on my waves and I prefer to catch quantity over quality. This allows me to work on things like a quicker pop up. The more inside waves I catch, the more confident I get. The more confident I get, the more courage I have to go further outside. Time and time again, I have learned that courage equals fun. Larger waves equals more enjoyable rides. Perhaps the saying is true… life begins on the other side of fear.
Don’t let fear win
Reflection #3 - Self-Care
I cannot be a lazy surfer. I am not gifted with natural flexibility or a thin stature. Therefore, if I don’t take care of myself outside of the water, I can really notice it in the water. Besides the obvious paddling strength, surfing is a gauge for my breath control and deep breathing, cardiovascular strength for the paddles back out and flexibility in how smoothly I pop up. Eating right, exercising and stretching have profound effects on my surfing. Slacking off causes a noticeable difference in the water. I try to remember this when I don’t want to run or stretch. Everything is connected and in order to be one with the ocean, I must be one with the ‘aina.
Nothing and no one is separate
Reflection #4 - Determination
Determination is my favorite. When the ocean reveals my level of determination, I pay attention. Determination in the ocean for me is measured by two things. How many waves I hustle to catch and how satisfied I am with each ride. No matter the conditions I always have a goal of 10 waves. The speed at which I catch, paddle back out and catch again show me how determined I am in my life.
Conquering a lack of determination always makes for the best sessions. I have come to believe that determination and joy are related. The more determined I am in the water, and in life, the more joy I seem to experience. I suppose it boils down to try hard.
If can, can. If no can, still can
Reflection #5 - Reaction
By every test I’ve taken and definition of the word, I am an introvert. If I spend too much with people, I need time to release and be alone. However, sometimes it seems like people are drawn to me. If I surf consistently I will undoubtably have people approach me and talk to me. This morning, a girl paddled up to me and said, “hey, what’s your name?” I answered her and asked for her name in return. After introductions she said, “I love watching you surf. You are so good.” I appreciate the feedback, but also find it unsettling. Perhaps it is a reminder that while I do what I love, I am still being judged or watched by others. Either way, my reaction to others and their reaction to me show me how much joy I am exuding and love I am giving.
If all else fails, be kind, show love and remain ha’aha’a (humble)
After each session I feel more connected to myself and I understand myself better. While surfing is something that brings me joy, it also scares me. While the ocean comforts me, it can also torment me. Understanding myself in the place I love the most, makes me better equipped to handle the places I dislike.
I see so many faces in the water. I have often wondered if one day I paddled past that guy from the grocery store. If so, I would have told him, “Yes, yes I do surf!”
